Push Red Button For Help

When I was younger so much younger than today

 I never needed anybody’s help in any way

But now these days are gone, I’m not so self assured

Now I find I’ve changed my mind and opened up the doors

– Beatles, Help

FullSizeRender“PUSH RED BUTTON FOR HELP.” These are the first words Odd lovingly wrote in my little black book while I was in hospital. We were unsure about my hearing so we prepped for the worst with paper and pen by the bedside. The Girl in The Little Black Dress posts bits from her journal so I thought I’d give it a try. Imitation is the highest form of flattery, right?

Some of you may not know that I do not have hearing in my left ear. Last summer, I felt that sounds were “cotton-y” or miles away. It turned out to be a hole in my right eardrum. Odd, the comedian, jokes and calls it another hole in my head! I had surgery in November. It’s not life-threatening but it is life-changing. It is the uncertainty that fuels fear but I found  friends, family, faith and incredible doctors are my saving grace. Hospital food, not so much.IMG_7571November 5, 2015:  Post-Op

I wrote: “You’re right, brown rice makes you hungrier.”

Odd wrote: “And it tastes bad.”

November 6, 2015:  I didn’t have an armband or anything, just a sheet of barcode stickers and the results from my hearing test. I failed the test. Alone, I wandered to the elevators and back up to Station 12A. I guess walking around in my slippers and polka dot PJs while my head is wrapped in white bandage is a clear sign I belong in the hospital. It’s Saturday, nobody noticed.

November 7, 2015:  She had kind eyes. She asked if I wanted to look in the mirror. I told her “no.” I might have laughed. She was kind and told me I have nice hair even if it was sticking out in all the wrong places. The ear patch, at least, matched the color of my hair. This was the sweetest doctor I have ever met.

November 7, 2015:  Home now. I could not hear the sound of running water when I washed dishes today. Frightening.

November 8, 2015:  Maybe we will wash my hair today. It is a two man job these days.

December 5, 2015:  Let past judgements go. Exhale.

February 10, 2016:  A man sits holding his rosary beads and quietly puts them away in his pocket. Hearing test – check. I tune to the smallest of sounds including the whispers behind the door. The doctor smiles. My hearing has improved. “Your brain will take time to adjust to the sensitivity to sound,” she assures me. Flying approved. The sun is shining exceptionally bright today. Dallas is in Berlin tonight. I can’t wait! IMG_8550February 11, 2015:  It was super loud with my “bionic” ear so I wore an earplug last night. Very uncool. Why did everyone in the crowd look like David Giuntoli from Grimm or Travis Fimmel from Vikings? So many Ragnars in the room. Lucy Rose, where have you been hiding all this time? Awww the sweet sound of music. And tea – she sells tea as merch too. Of course, she’s British.

City and Colour takes the stage. A girl screams, “I’m Canadian! Sing me!” What does that even mean? The Girl is played as an encore and a wave of gratitude lingers in my heart. His songs reflect survival, saving lives – including mine. Ahhh-mazing! I am humbled. I feel honored, lucky and grateful to hear the delicate balance of sound in artistry.IMG_8606 - Version 3

I heard the church bells from afar,

But we found each other in the dark.

– City and Colour

My heart feels full.  Sending BIG BIG LOVE your way. Too much? Ok – Happy Valentine’s Day!


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